Her Arms....

There is a woman around the world, an ocean away that carried my daughter. She nourished her and kept her warm. She fed and clothed her for six months of her life. Their bond, no matter how deep, finds its way back to one single thing. Her belly button. The tell tale sign that there was another woman, another mother before me. I sometimes have to remind myself that I did not give birth to my daughter. I did not carry her nor did I endure pain and was not covered in sweat when she made her grand entrance into this big world.

As Norah's birthday approaches I find myself thinking of this mysterious woman. And the man that helped bring her into this world. To say that I am not curious would be a lie. But the unspoken contract remains. We will never know. We will never know of their existence, their circumstances around our daughters birth. The few things I do know I hold onto with clenched fists. She kept her for six months. How heart breaking that must have been for her. Were they married, were they young, educated, tall, short... the list could certainly go on and on. Norah has the longest fingers I have ever seen. And she is tiny. Very petite and very girly. I wonder who she looks like...

On her birthday, I will think of this woman. Her birth mother. As I know she will probably be thinking of Norah. The daughter she holds in her heart and will never again see.

If I could tell her, I would tell her this:

Norah is so gentle. She has a smile that would light up a room and sparkling eyes. She is funny and incredibly smart. She is beautiful and is so nurturing. She is the first to say Bless You after a sneeze. She is a Daddy's girl in the best way possible and I have never seen something so small bring a grown man to his knees.
She is the daughter that I always prayed for and how she made her way to our family is a miracle to me. I am so blessed just to know her and to be a part of her life.
I would tell her thank you. Thank you for making that sacrifice, no matter the circumstances. For loving her enough to do what was best for her.
She is the apple of our eye and the song in our heart.

So on her birthday we will sing and blow out candles. We will all clap and open presents and eat tons and tons of cake and ice cream. We will hold our special gift close as we welcome her third birthday. She will have been home almost as long as she was in China. I wonder how much of that she really remembers. I hope and pray she keeps it in her heart forever. That is the only link that she has to her "China Mommy". And I know that someday she will have questions. I know that one day I will have to explain everything as best as I can. And for that day I pray for strength.

And on her birthday I will remember that special woman. I pray that she has peace in her heart and if there was someway I could let her know that her daughter is loved more than anything, I would. I hope that she is thinking of us on this special day, as I am sure I will be thinking of her. And for a brief moment as my daughter blows out her candles, I will close my eyes. I will take a deep breath and I will whisper, "thank you." And maybe, just maybe, it will make its way to China and into that mother's heart.








"Heaven is the face of a little girl
With dark brown eyes
That disappear when she smiles"

~Steven Curtis Chapman~
"Heaven Is the Face"

Two days before Christmas...

It is two days before Christmas and I haven't sent out a single Christmas card. Haven't made any cookies. The lights on the tree haven't been on in 2 days. I admit it... no Christmas spirit here. No twinge of excitement that Christmas is 2 days away. I am really trying not to be Scrooge like for the kids. They deserve Christmas in their hearts and they deserve the magic that it brings. What I would really like to do instead is run away. Maybe bury my head in the sand somewhere or sleep until its over.
I took Elias to the doctor a few weeks ago because he had been throwing up since September. I honestly chalked it up to school stress or maybe something he ate. We did some blood work and an ultrasound and his white count came up high showing that there was an infection somewhere in his body. His ultrasound showed that there was something going on with his kidneys. We then waited for 2 (AGONIZING) weeks until he could have the CT scan and the urologist appointment. After the 5 of us held down a screaming sweating 7 year old boy his IV was ready to go and they proceeded with the CT scan. They also did an x-ray while we were there. What a draining day... I didn't sleep a wink last night and today feels as if it has lasted forever.
We met with the urologist, who was the nicest person that anyone would want to meet. Very kid friendly and took his time with us as he explained the diagnosis at hand. Ureteropelvic Junction Obstruction. Basically when Elias was being formed in my tum the junction between his kidneys and the ureter never formed properly, therefore he is not able to properly drain anything from his kidney to the ureter to the bladder. His kidney is distended and large and it is misshaped from continual kidney damage.
So we go back in the morning for another procedure - a renogram with lasix washout. It is about an hour and a half and it will tell us what his kidney function is in that kidney. Best case scenario from what I understand is a shunt to open up the obstruction. Worst case scenario would be to remove the kidney. So far the other kidney is working properly and that is what we want!
So that's where we are 2 days before Christmas. I am sad and I am angry. I am confused and concerned. One minute I am smiling and the next I am a blubbering idiot. But he is my baby. When I cannot fix him I feel insecure and scared. I want him to be okay and I want it now, please and thank you.
Everyone has been so kind with their well wishes and calls and positive thoughts. We appreciate them and please don't be offended if we don't want to talk about it alot. We are trying to make sense of this ourselves.
But I really don't want to be dealing with this at all. Yes he is 7, but he is my baby. He will always be my baby. The child I so miraculously gave birth to, weighing in at 8 lbs 2 oz and kicking and screaming up until he went to bed tonight. I want to be able to look him in the eyes and tell him that he is going to be okay when he asks. I want to be certain of that when he asks. But I cannot be certain. Yes there may be an operation. Yes, he may have to be in the hospital and yes, it may hurt. But when all is said and done I want him well. Shannon said tonight that it could always be worse. Yes, it very well could. But it could also be better. It could not be happening to my child. But it is what it is. I will be strong for him. I will hold his hand and I will pray for him when he is so nervous he can hardly stand up. I will wipe his tears away and I will hold him in my arms just like I did when he was a baby. All the while begging and pleading for God to keep his arms around my precious baby boy and to bring peace and comfort to his heart and to his body.

Merry Christmas everyone. May 2010 be a year of renewed hope for you and your family.

With much love....

Oh, this gets me everytime I read it. Just sends shivers up my spine..

"And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you, about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?"
— Donald Miller (Through Painted Deserts: Light, God, and Beauty on the Open Road)

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I feel like I am officially a part of the rat race. Always running here and there. Never a minute to just sit and play. BUT, with a 7 year old and a 2 1/2 year old there really is no time for anything!! I wouldn't trade it for the world!!
We recently got back from a 5 day trip to Disney. It was AMAZING! My mom, my sister, myself and the kids headed out on a Sunday and came home the following Saturday. The kids LOVED it and it was so nice to take a break! We all needed it! I will post pics soon!
Elias has joined the cub scouts and his troop meets every Monday night. Good thing is, his meeting are on the street over! How convenient!! He is such a cool kid. So witty and just down right hysterical! He will never know how much I love him. He will never know what a blessing and miracle he is to me.
Norah is 100 mph. She is now potty trained, talking her head off and extremely independent! Yesterday she got dressed... totally dressed by herself. Shirt, shoes, unders, shorts, socks and shoes. She even folded the socks down... I cannot believe how much she has grown and has become so totally comfortable in her skin. It is amazing to watch both of my kids grow and flourish.
We are meeting Norah's friend from Jiangxi this Tuesday at Charlestown Landing. Norah and Georgie were in pictures together that I got back from her care package. I was able to visit with Georgie when I took a tour of the SWI and when they said "Lan Ping's mama" her sweet little head was looking back and forth, I am sure expecting Norah to walk in the door. I asked them who Norah's best friend was and who she spent most of her time with and it was Georgie :) So it will be nice to get the kids together and see how they interact with one another. I wonder if they remember each other. I feel that they share a kindred spirit. I wish that Lindley could join this group too as I am sure that they spent alot of time together since they are all the same age. I will pot pictures of the visit soon.

Yes, I have decided to come from under the rocks and update on the Sharp family. We are all alive and well and getting into the grove of a new and improved school year. We had a great summer, but it certainly went by fast!!! Here are a few things that we did and some things that we are doing!!

- We went to Myrtle Beach over Father's Day weekend... a long weekend :) It was so nice to be there with my mom and dad and sister and of course Shannon and the kids. There was no computer and we barely turned the TV on at all. There was a HUGE porch on the back of the house and we honestly spent more time there than anywhere else! Both of the kids loved the beach too. They were brown as little bears by the time we got home! We went to Broadway on the Beach and Barefoot landing. Shannon's mom and dad came down and spent a night with us too! It was alot of fun to just get away and play!!

- We are going to Disney in a few weeks and we are STOKED! We will be there from Sunday and coming home the following Saturday. I can barely sleep at night... Shannon doesn't want to go so it will just be me and mom taking the kids. We cannot wait!!

Here's the scoop on the cool kids:

Elias:
- In the 2nd grade now
- LOVES StarWars and Lego and loves it even more when he is playing StarWars Legos
- He is a really good reader and is fantastic in math!
- He is an amazing big brother
- Wants to play the guitar and take karate
- He is very helpful around the house and earns allowence now... how cute :)
- Everytime I cough or sneeze, he is right there asking, "are you okay momma?"
- He is very independent and knows what he wants
- He gives the best kisses around.
- He picks flowers for me several times a week. Even if it is a weed, he is so pleased with himself.
- He still calls me "girly-girl" and I love it.

Norah:
- A ball of fire
- Is talking our ears off now... seriously...
- When she hugs you, it is with everything she has and then some. She literally squeezes as hard as she can.
- She has to be reminded frequently that I am the momma. Not her.
- She HATES messes. She would be happy with a baby wipe cleaning all day.
- She is scared of the Geico commercial with the eyes on top of the hands
- She is even more afraid of mannequins.
- She is amazing. Beautiful. Smart.

Shannon and I are fantabulous. Now that school is back in session, things are getting a little more routine which I really like.
We are also adopting again. We have completed the classes that are required for DSS and will have our DHEC inspection and fire inspection sometime soon. Mrs. Teresa that did our homestudy for China will also be doing this one. She is such a sweet lady and knows more about us than anyone really should :) Not sure about the time line with this adoption. We are open to either gender ages 4 and under. I will most certainly keep you all updated :)
Anyway, let me know how all of you are doing!! Hope you are all well!

Playing Catch Up!

I have no idea why I do this to myself! I tell myself that I am going to be better at blogging and somehow it falls by the wayside! Oh well, we are having fun and that's what really matters, right? Right!

So let's see... Elias is out of school now and will be going into the 2nd grade next year. Wasn't it just yesterday that he was in diapers?? Man, that kid is growing up way too fast! It just breaks my heart! He has this really quirky personality. He is funny and way too charming. Everyone that he meets tells me that he is going to be an actor one day. Really? Ya think? Come to our house around 8:30 when it's bedtime and you will be amazed at the drama that unfolds! Tears and falling on the floor, begging and pleading, it truly is Oscar worthy. Wow. We aren't sure if we are going to keep him at the school he went to last year or move him. I am no particularly fond of the school he is going to now. But to switch him to the other public school would be way out of the way and even less sleep for me on the days that I work. We have toyed with Christian school, but money is a real factor these days and for some reason my tree is the back yard is bearing nothing. So we just need to think and pray on this one.
We have been going to the pool alot already and both of my babies are brown as bears! They are so good at the pool and I won't lie, I will tire them out on purpose so we can go back home and take a family nap. There is nothing like a nap after the pool!
Norah is amazing. I cannot believe that we have almost been home one year! It seems like yesterday we were in China being handed a baby that was screaming her face off! And she has just grown into this really cool kid that just takes my breath away!! Her favorite word these days is either NO or NOPE. Most times she will answer with Nope. Pretty cute. If you ask her how old she is she will tell you 2. She knows the hand motions to the Itsy Bitsy Spider and Patty Cake and it is adorable to watch her do it! But one word of advice... There is a 50 song minimum. If you do it once, plan on sticking around for a while! She is just amazing. Her and Elias fight like cats and dogs. But the minute I scold her for something and put her in the naughty chair and turn my back, he is giving her candy or toys or her yaya. And then I send him to his room, she turns to me and gives me the what for and runs to his room and beats on the door until he opens it. I tolerate it. I let alot slide with the two of them. They have both been through so much this past year and for them to come out on top like they have just gives me a renewed passion to be their mom. They are awesome!

So here are a few pics for you. I am pretty tired and should be wrapping this party up right about now.

Sleep tight all :)

Norah and Grandpa at the beach

Norah and Sissy at the beach

I just love this picture

Handsome kid!

One of my favorites

Another favorite